I've been in that place, many times, when it feels like I'm last place. And then the green fingers of jealousy begin to wrap themselves around my mind when i see people who are "better off". Not in material things, heck no! In accomplishments! Lives they are changing. Needs they are meeting. Word they are spitting. Power they are wielding. And i just feel sad. Close to tears. Sometimes, in tears. It seems noble to "envy" people for the above reasons but envy is envy and envy is sin.
I grew up with a low self-esteem, something i still struggle with till now, so it doesn't take me a long time to feel "useless" when others seem to be doing things i am not doing yet. These feelings of inadequacy and envy have
gnawed at me for a long time but i discovered something...
Time... it's not the same for everybody. There's a reason I'm not doing some of the things i think i should be doing yet. There's a reason God is holding me back... for now. There is always a set time. I had to understand that. God is not man. He isn't bound by time. I think in minutes and seconds, He thinks in eternities.
I also had to understand that, although there is a set time, i could single-handedly delay the time of my "manifestation". How? By what I'm doing in the meantime.
God had a plan for man's salvation. The best plan ever but it wasn't until centuries later that He acted on that plan. So trust me, God can relate.When Jesus came, he was teaching in the synagogue from age 12 but was only known and addressed as "the carpenter's son" for 18 years. John, His fore-runner, was seen by all as the second "Elijah", turning people to God in their hundreds while Jesus, the Saviour was simply "the carpenter's son". Jesus can relate.
For those of us in this "foetal" stage of life: You're just in the womb, yearning to burst out. You hear the noise outside, it's tantalizing. There's a lot going on outside these walls you're confined in but you just can't come out yet. And it's frustrating! I know! But I need you to know and understand, this is the time for you to enlarge. All these people you see and get discouraged because of their achievements, also faced these things that you're facing.
Understand that God does not think like man thinks. We are the ones who say years have gone by, God doesn't see things like that. He is the perfect master planner. Ask Him to let you see through His eyes. John had to, of necessity, come before Jesus. All the prophets had to come before God's perfect plan was revealed. Waiting is something we all have to do sometimes. Even God too! And trust me, God had his trying periods then too. His people broke His heart but He had to stick to the plan. He couldn't send in Jesus too early or too late. Now, look at the world. A million times better for it.
Honey, you will understand life backwards even though you live it forward. If everything made sense right now, life would be boring and walking with God, lackluster. So, sit back, enjoy the adventure. Cry, doubt a few times, okay many times but stay with God. And enlarge. Just enlarge. Grow. Cry, feel frustrated, get mad even at God, He can take it. But get back to that womb and enlarge. It might seem awkward but enlarge. Keep enlarging. One day, you will burst out and you'll be a sight for sore eyes.
But after that happens, don't forget that some other person will stand in your place and ooh and aahh over you. The person will feel just as you felt, inadequate, low self-esteemed, envious (not out of malice, you should understand); in all of that, make sure you find that person (which might be a thousand people with one face) and help that person enlarge.
I hope you understand me.
#enlarge
#enlarge
It is well.
Ms Zoe (MECA)
Ms Zoe (MECA)
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